Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Pink, Green and Zebra


Pink, green and zebra.

That's what turning 10 looked like for the first time ever around here!
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Our third baby and only daughter, Sarah Elizabeth, turned ten this week.
The double digits.
A decade.
And being so quick with math like I am,
I am sure this means that she is halfway to 20.
I can. not. believe it.

My little girl.

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Some of my first words when she was born were,"I didn't know that we made girls!"
Seriously. I thought that I was going have a house full of boys. oh and i do.But what a treat the stretch can be. is. to experience both kinds of kids.
{both kinds of four very different kinds of different}

Sarah is all about pink! and laughter! and singing!
She likes frogs, mud, {some} bugs and holds fishing worms for her brothers.

Every year at school, I've had a mother or two approach me to say that their son tells 'em that
Sarah is not like the other girls ~ she's fun! :)

Sarah was my first and only baby to recognize little bags of cheerios for what this mother intended them to be. Edible entertainment, handy for stroller and grocery cart riding. All the other babies in this family saw little snack baggies as prepackaged ammunition {and riding, as in like sitting down, was not something that they could do. then and cough. now. }


Sarah enjoys reading, drawing and crafty projects
She loves dogs, all dogs, and all things about dogs.
Jewelry, especially earrings and especially big ones and accessories are her thing. {oh boy}
She feels things So Big and So Intensely. {oh boy oh boy}
And not that long ago, planned on marrying her daddy when she grew up.

{now it might be justin bieber shmieber somebody. i'm not sure.}
{oh boy oh boy oh boy}
{being so quick with math like I am,
I know that she will not be dating for at least eight.ten.probably fifteen.years :) }

She had wanted to be a doctor, an author/illustrator or a teacher by day. And then coming home in the evenings to her castle to do all things princess-y. Now she wants to be a rock star singer and it won't include doing laundry, I guess. Because recently when I asked her to help me fold the clothes, she said that she is "really not a folding-laundry-person!"  

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Sarah is s.w.e.e.t.n.e.s.s.
She loves flowers, pretty details and talking.
{lots and lots of talking}
She has a HuGe-NorMouS heart that talks with Jesus and loves to give.


Pink, green and zebra.

Yep.being so quick with math like I am :) ,
I know that these colors and characteristics,
added together,
and so. so. so. much moremultiplied...
"equal" the little lady who I know as my daughter!

Happy 10th Birthday Sarah Elizabeth!
I love you!

                                                          dearest Sarah, my heart's desire for you;
                                     "That you would love the Lord your God, and obey His voice.
                         And that you would hold to Him alone: for He is your life."   Deut. 30:20

Friday, October 1, 2010

Anyone Can Look Holy

{ AnYoNe Can Look HoLy }

This was my son yesterday.

Hilarious ~ my five year old Jacob sported a distinctive arrangement of black facial hair!
He got that look from me.
no.no.very funny. not any goatee growing facial hair gene.
I was the sharpie marker wielding artist!

He was so very pleased with his new appearance.
It made him look like a bad guy he said.

Oh yeah. with his whiskers, fuzzy construction-themed pj's and Sarah's pink cowgirl gun that he was toting around...intimidating bad guy indeed.

And then last night, Jacob's new look became rather smeary,
until bathtime, when it washed off completely,
darkening my ever-growing tub ring.


A few months ago, I came across this
blog and was deeply touched by Carolyn's words and the excerpt that she included from "The Sacred Romance", ( 199-200.)
"Last evening I was moaning to my husband and a friend
that I am “too intense”, “too passionate” and that I “just want too much”!

Today this is in my inbox -

A Holy Longing

"The whole life of the good Christian,” said Augustine, “is a holy longing.” Sadly, many of us have been led to feel that somehow we ought to want less, not more. We have this sense that we should atone for our longings, apologize that we feel such deep desire. Shouldn’t we be more content?

Perhaps, but contentment is never wanting less; that’s the easy way out.
Anybody can look holy if she’s killed her heart; the real test is to have your heart burning within you and have the patience to enjoy what there is now to enjoy, while waiting with eager anticipation for the feast to come.  In Paul’s words, we “groan inwardly as we wait eagerly” (Rom. 8:23). Contentment can only happen as we increase desire, let it run i
tself out toward its fulfillment, and carry us along with it...
There may be times when all we have to go on is a sense of duty. But in the end, if that is all we have, we will never make it. Our Hero is the example. He’s run on before us and he’s made it; he’s there now. His life assures us it can be done, but only through passionate desire for the joy set before us."
"I am thankful for how God brings things to us at perfect moments and for the people in my life who don’t let me go down the road of killing my heart."

I am humbled embarrassed to admit, that at my age, I am still in God's preschool class for challenged learners. He has me sitting right up front. And yet, I still find myself, turning around in my seat, distracted by others. I have this great idea, that if everyone else would stop throwing crayons, I could totally behave, you know, and not toss 'em back. I'd sit up and listen. But their elbow jabs and whispers of advice not only get my attention, my classroom time is spent trying to please my chair-kicking neighbor.

I've been thinking. thinking about how my efforts at being something, someone I'm not...
are as deeply intrinsic
and long lasting "permanent"
as my son's bad guy look with sharpie marker applied facial hair.

I need to change. I want to change. I try to change.
Which God knows, and everyone around me, that yes! there is lots to change in this girl!
Absolutely. That's why I am in His preschool, ya know.

But I am not to change
WHO HE MADE ME TO BE.I am not responsible to control or change annoying crayon throwing classmates.

Carefully applied sharpie marker for a quick new look,
is still.just.carefully applied sharpie marker.

Anyone can do that.
AnYoNe can look HoLy.
And fit.

I have been distracted, vacillating between my Cindy-version of Cindy
and my classmate's demanded version of how I should be. And who I should be.
If I get something right...enough right...will they sit up? pay attention? and stop throwing things?
It looks as balanced as Cindy playing on a see-saw at recess...all by herself.
Exhausting. It gets very smeary...like markers...and wears off fast.

somedays by the time breakfast is over. and always by the kid's bedtime. especially then.

I am longing
to learn
to grow
to become
The Teacher's version of Cindy.

Not my version.
Not their version.
But His!

A Holy Spirit breathed, energized and directed Cindy!
My heart burning within me!
intensely beating! passionately feeling! eagerly anticipating!


And to conflate Carolyn's words with others that I just read,
I am thankful for the friends in my life
who don’t let me go down the road
of killing my heart,
but instead,
giving me the grace to be...
and the room to become!!!