unthinkable grief ~ indescribable God
Indescribable. look at that word. check it out. it doesn't even appear to be spelled right...does it?something about the "bable" part looks so wrong. but then, maybe not.
i would only be "bable"-ing if i were to attempt to explain the Indescribable.
it is experienced with your soul,
felt with your spirit,
and expressed with your physical being...
but not always and never completely with words.Indescribable.
He's been bringing that word to my attention in various ways throughout the last number of weeks and I've wondered what all He's up to with it.
For some reason, my light bulb moments usually work like one of those 3-way kind of bulbs.
Meaning, it takes more than a couple of repetitive clicks for me to catch on and really get it.what He is saying, revealing, doing.So it's in a dim 50 watt or less-ish way...first. with a little head jerk. that I might recognize significance.
And over and over I have experienced Him lovingly repeating Himself opening the eyes of my heart
patiently illuminating and underlining His fingerprints in my life.
Turning a scared and stubborn little knobby thingy in my brain. click to 100 watts. and then again. click to 150. or click. perhaps something with stadium-bright-intensity.
And then...even when I can't usually don't see the whole stage...
I get something, a little bit more,
maybe simply getting that I don't get it...
and there He is. Him and His spotlights, right with me and my little lightbulb moments.instant whoa brilliant illumination kind of lightbulb moments? not me. not usually. not yet.Indescribable. A 3-way bulb in my head. And it's been in the spotlight.
Not that long ago, my sidekick and I traveled to the airport to pick up Audrey. jacob {he melts my heart} turned heads with his large cowboy hat and black rubber boots.I was beyond excited! And our visit together, Audrey and Cindy as well as other mutual friends; Gloria, Thelma, Rachel and MJ was in many, many ways even more than I had anticipated it being. You know how it is, when you connect with really.special.friends? There's just something... Indescribable. You know that HE is involved. Audrey and I even talked about that word and how we perceive it to be one of His trademark signatures. You can read more about the "pickin up" part here, Audrey's PA adventure here, and Thelma has a great post too, right here.
My heart was so full. My head was spinning. Both were happy. And I wanted to share.~thelma's pictures
But then came...Terrible news.
The pleasedearGodnonono kind with Unthinkable Grief.
The kind that forever divides time on this planet into a Before and an After.
Our dear friends 9 year old son died.Unthinkable Grief...and yet I know. I cannot.even.imagine theirs.
i cannot imagine.It's the kind that squeezes hard in places that you didn't know you had places.
It leaves you unable to breathe...with groanings that are loudly quiet. and quietly loud.
There are.no.words.
Unthinkable Grief...and yet I know. I cannot.even.imagine theirs.
It collided with the ordinary everyday shmeveryday.
It packed a suitcase and put me on an airplane that crossed the country.
There's a shift *jolt* in perspective.
a hypersensitivity to both the trivial and the important.
a deep heart felt awareness as life continues its demands,
same-ness that is not the same at all,
that time is shorter, ticking louder and faster.
yet is being watched strangely slow-mo and as if narrated in the third person.
*****
there's still dinner to make and a "sorry i'm late."
there's still bickering and bedtimes that nobody likes but me.
there are still teenagers who put their clean laundry on the floor,
and dirty *uh ahem* garments where i want to set my coffee mug.
there's homework to quickly finish and heartwork that's only started.
there are still relationships that need rescued.
there's still a purple teddy bear at our house,
trying to lead a stuffed curious george to the Lord, according to sarah.
there are still two year old tantrums at the age of five. {and forty-one.}
there's still embarrassment when finding i had spent a 4 hour layover
walking around with my zipper down. just so not cool.
*****Unthinkable Grief...and yet I know. I cannot.even.imagine theirs.and i found...
there is still.
was.
is.
and always will be.An Indescribable God.
for the ordinary everyday shmeveryday.
for the unthinkable.
like He promised.
He is...experienced with your soul,
felt with your spirit,
and expressed with your physical being...
but not always and never completely with words.I saw my friends with unthinkable grief
embraced with peace
sustained with grace
held up with love
experiencing a secret place in His presence...that's our Indescribable God.
I sat in a service that celebrated the life of a little boy
raw with honest emotions,
yet hopeful,
glorifying our Father of all Comfort.
not something that human beings put together by themselves. ever.
that's our Indescribable God.
I saw the hands and feet of Jesus in a community that came together
and honored HIM as they grieved.
that's our Indescribable God.
And {click} He's in the spotlight. Indescribable.
I don't know much about heaven, but I'm thinking that heavy choir robes, hovering halos and incessant harp playing would have me yawning and sneaking a peek at my watch.
But I do know...
there's a little boy there
with stick-up hair,
a wide mischievious grin,
and bare piggy toes.
The same boy who had dressed up like his own dad when his AWANA club held a Favorite Hero theme night.I do know {as revealed by The Comforter to my friend}
that Jesus raised His nail scarred hand and high-fived
His warm welcome to the new kid.that's our Jesus. sweet Jesus.And...I know that the basketball team is cheering their new point man.
I'm thinking too that there's Lego projects in heaven, Rubberband Launchers and wrestling matches on trampolines. There's you name it, all the sports equipment he's ever fanatically dreamed of. There's climbing under the bleachers and ankle grabbing. While he's not hanging up laundry, he probably is sitting on top of the washline post. If they have those there. And he's probably finding the coolest rocks to chuck into the Jordan River, making the biggest splashes ever.
As others shared, this little boy lived life as if it was short.
He was all in.He was always running out on ahead...running out on ahead...running out on ahead...And he did. just that. straight into the arms of Jesus.
My heart aches for my friends and the normal...that is not.
please...join me.
in breathing prayers and carrying my friends,
this dear family,
to Him.
taking their unthinkable journey of grief to The Great I Am
our Indescribable God.
thank you.
"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope.
My soul waits for the Lord, more than watchmen wait for the morning...
Put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love and with him is full redemption."
Psalm 130:5-7
"He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
He drew me out of deep waters.
He rescued me...the Lord was my support.
He brought me out into a spacious place;
He rescued me because He delighted in me."Psalms 18:16-19
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